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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
08-02-25
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Saturday, August 2, 2025 at 1:00 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
Verne Troyer

Verne Troyer

Strength35
Speed70
Endurance60
Technique85
Molecular Density1.1
Existential Dread55
Fingers8
Toes8
TALE OF THE TAPE
Verne Troyer VS Karen "Compliance" Thompson
Karen "Compliance" Thompson

Karen "Compliance" Thompson

65Strength
70Speed
80Endurance
95Technique
2.1Molecular Density
88Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

Karen "Compliance" Thompson
Violence concluded.
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