TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
11-19-25
APPROVED
The Carbonara Killer
Strength80
Speed85
Endurance75
Technique92
Molecular Density2.8
Existential Dread50
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
The Carbonara Killer VS The Efficiency Expert
The Efficiency Expert
85Strength
85Speed
70Endurance
98Technique
3.4Molecular Density
92Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
The Carbonara Killer
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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