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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
12-06-25
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Saturday, December 6, 2025 at 10:00 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
The Finger Counter

The Finger Counter

Strength63
Speed82
Endurance68
Technique87
Molecular Density2.7
Existential Dread25
Fingers23
Toes7
TALE OF THE TAPE
The Finger Counter VS The First Prime Number
The First Prime Number

The First Prime Number

80Strength
78Speed
64Endurance
88Technique
72.1Molecular Density
9Existential Dread
12Fingers
12Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

The First Prime Number
Violence concluded.
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