TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
08-07-25
APPROVED
Danny DeVito
Strength40
Speed60
Endurance70
Technique85
Molecular Density3.8
Existential Dread75
Fingers8
Toes12
TALE OF THE TAPE
Danny DeVito VS Robert Trujillo
Robert Trujillo
80Strength
80Speed
88Endurance
85Technique
2.8Molecular Density
35Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Danny DeVito
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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