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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
12-30-25
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Tuesday, December 30, 2025 at 4:30 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
Dollar Menu Doom

Dollar Menu Doom

Strength71
Speed77
Endurance76
Technique76
Molecular Density3.4
Existential Dread31
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Dollar Menu Doom VS Auto-Correct Apocalypse
Auto-Correct Apocalypse

Auto-Correct Apocalypse

75Strength
85Speed
70Endurance
70Technique
3.0Molecular Density
41Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

Auto-Correct Apocalypse
Violence concluded.
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