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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
01-15-26
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Thursday, January 15, 2026 at 9:00 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
Millipede Aqualuft

Millipede Aqualuft

Strength65
Speed85
Endurance75
Technique80
Molecular Density2.2
Existential Dread60
Fingers1000
Toes1000
TALE OF THE TAPE
Millipede Aqualuft VS Marilyn Manson
Marilyn Manson

☠️ Marilyn Manson ☠️

70Strength
80Speed
75Endurance
88Technique
1.8Molecular Density
95Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

Millipede Aqualuft
Violence concluded.
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