TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
08-27-25
APPROVED
Quarterly Report Jones
Strength60
Speed75
Endurance90
Technique88
Molecular Density2.6
Existential Dread87
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Quarterly Report Jones VS Background Blur Betty
Background Blur Betty
55Strength
85Speed
80Endurance
95Technique
1.2Molecular Density
85Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Quarterly Report Jones
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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