TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
07-28-25
APPROVED
Brisket Friendo
Strength85
Speed65
Endurance80
Technique75
Molecular Density2.8
Existential Dread25
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Brisket Friendo VS Bot Account Barbara
Bot Account Barbara
85Strength
98Speed
55Endurance
75Technique
0.5Molecular Density
70Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Brisket Friendo
Violence concluded.
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