TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
09-13-25
APPROVED
Therapy Llama
Strength75
Speed80
Endurance85
Technique88
Molecular Density2.3
Existential Dread25
Fingers11
Toes9
TALE OF THE TAPE
Therapy Llama VS Pocket Protector Pete
Pocket Protector Pete
50Strength
40Speed
60Endurance
70Technique
1.5Molecular Density
75Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Pocket Protector Pete
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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