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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
07-29-25
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Tuesday, July 29, 2025 at 12:00 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
Karen "Compliance" Thompson

Karen "Compliance" Thompson

Strength65
Speed70
Endurance80
Technique95
Molecular Density2.1
Existential Dread88
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Karen "Compliance" Thompson VS The Carbonara Killer
The Carbonara Killer

The Carbonara Killer

80Strength
85Speed
75Endurance
92Technique
2.8Molecular Density
50Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

Karen "Compliance" Thompson
Violence concluded.
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