TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
07-30-25
APPROVED
X-Ray Xavier
Strength65
Speed85
Endurance70
Technique95
Molecular Density1.8
Existential Dread75
Fingers11
Toes9
TALE OF THE TAPE
X-Ray Xavier VS Artisanal Windbreaker
Artisanal Windbreaker
42Strength
65Speed
48Endurance
68Technique
0.9Molecular Density
92Existential Dread
11Fingers
9Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Artisanal Windbreaker
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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