TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
10-14-25
APPROVED
Sausage Festival
Strength85
Speed68
Endurance90
Technique72
Molecular Density3.1
Existential Dread22
Fingers8
Toes12
TALE OF THE TAPE
Sausage Festival VS Background Blur Betty
Background Blur Betty
55Strength
85Speed
80Endurance
95Technique
1.2Molecular Density
85Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Background Blur Betty
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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