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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
10-20-25
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Monday, October 20, 2025 at 1:00 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
Line Number Linda

Line Number Linda

Strength50
Speed30
Endurance100
Technique95
Molecular Density1.8
Existential Dread98
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Line Number Linda VS Just Five More Minutes
Just Five More Minutes

Just Five More Minutes

50Strength
40Speed
90Endurance
85Technique
1.8Molecular Density
70Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

Just Five More Minutes
Violence concluded.
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