TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
07-24-25
APPROVED
Betty White
Strength60
Speed75
Endurance100
Technique95
Molecular Density1.8
Existential Dread5
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Betty White VS Basement Dweller Brad
Basement Dweller Brad
43Strength
42Speed
62Endurance
75Technique
2.1Molecular Density
78Existential Dread
14Fingers
6Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Betty White
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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