TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
11-01-25
APPROVED
Swole Patroll
Strength98
Speed70
Endurance95
Technique65
Molecular Density4.2
Existential Dread8
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Swole Patroll VS Monday Morning
Monday Morning
108Strength
33Speed
94Endurance
65Technique
1.7Molecular Density
124Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Swole Patroll
Violence concluded.
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