TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
08-01-25
APPROVED
Steve Irwin
Strength80
Speed85
Endurance90
Technique88
Molecular Density2.5
Existential Dread20
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Steve Irwin VS Baby Triumphant
Baby Triumphant
35Strength
60Speed
30Endurance
98Technique
0.8Molecular Density
5Existential Dread
5Fingers
5Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Steve Irwin
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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