TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
08-04-25
APPROVED
Quarterly Report Jones
Strength60
Speed75
Endurance90
Technique88
Molecular Density2.6
Existential Dread87
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Quarterly Report Jones VS Booger McGillicuddy
Booger McGillicuddy
45Strength
55Speed
50Endurance
60Technique
1.2Molecular Density
85Existential Dread
7Fingers
13Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Quarterly Report Jones
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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