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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
11-25-25
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Tuesday, November 25, 2025 at 11:00 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
Are You Afraid of the Shark

Are You Afraid of the Shark

Strength90
Speed85
Endurance75
Technique85
Molecular Density3.2
Existential Dread85
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Are You Afraid of the Shark VS Robert Trujillo
Robert Trujillo

Robert Trujillo

80Strength
80Speed
88Endurance
85Technique
2.8Molecular Density
35Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

Are You Afraid of the Shark
Violence concluded.
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