TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
11-26-25
APPROVED
Porkbun Pete
Strength71
Speed78
Endurance77
Technique74
Molecular Density52.6
Existential Dread20
Fingers7
Toes12
TALE OF THE TAPE
Porkbun Pete VS Derek Moneyberg
Derek Moneyberg
71Strength
71Speed
86Endurance
72Technique
57.2Molecular Density
45Existential Dread
13Fingers
12Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Derek Moneyberg
Violence concluded.
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