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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
12-02-25
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Tuesday, December 2, 2025 at 5:30 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
The First Prime Number

The First Prime Number

Strength78
Speed76
Endurance60
Technique86
Molecular Density72.1
Existential Dread9
Fingers12
Toes12
TALE OF THE TAPE
The First Prime Number VS Chairman Meow
Chairman Meow

☠️ Chairman Meow ☠️

85Strength
62Speed
84Endurance
69Technique
87.7Molecular Density
66Existential Dread
6Fingers
12Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

The First Prime Number
Violence concluded.
← Return to Violence Schedule