TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
12-05-25
APPROVED
Birthday Alone Barry
Strength68
Speed82
Endurance79
Technique71
Molecular Density1.7
Existential Dread77
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Birthday Alone Barry VS Splinter Under Fingernail
Splinter Under Fingernail
80Strength
68Speed
72Endurance
80Technique
3.6Molecular Density
89Existential Dread
9Fingers
11Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Splinter Under Fingernail
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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