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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
12-05-25
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Friday, December 5, 2025 at 10:00 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
Bigfoot Believer Brenda

Bigfoot Believer Brenda

Strength90
Speed85
Endurance80
Technique70
Molecular Density4.2
Existential Dread80
Fingers13
Toes7
TALE OF THE TAPE
Bigfoot Believer Brenda VS Justin Timberlake
Justin Timberlake

☠️ Justin Timberlake ☠️

65Strength
85Speed
80Endurance
92Technique
2.0Molecular Density
45Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

Bigfoot Believer Brenda
Violence concluded.
← Return to Violence Schedule