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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
08-06-25
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Wednesday, August 6, 2025 at 5:30 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
Anarchy Moonbeam

Anarchy Moonbeam

Strength65
Speed92
Endurance68
Technique95
Molecular Density1.6
Existential Dread98
Fingers11
Toes9
TALE OF THE TAPE
Anarchy Moonbeam VS Tale of the Broken Elevator
Tale of the Broken Elevator

Tale of the Broken Elevator

80Strength
60Speed
90Endurance
95Technique
2.7Molecular Density
80Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

Anarchy Moonbeam
Violence concluded.
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