TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
12-29-25
APPROVED
Early Bird Eddie
Strength65
Speed90
Endurance70
Technique88
Molecular Density1.6
Existential Dread60
Fingers9
Toes8
TALE OF THE TAPE
Early Bird Eddie VS Lars Ulrich
Lars Ulrich
60Strength
95Speed
70Endurance
90Technique
2.2Molecular Density
65Existential Dread
12Fingers
8Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Early Bird Eddie
Violence concluded.
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