TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
12-30-25
APPROVED
Stu Trololol
Strength28
Speed63
Endurance42
Technique97
Molecular Density1.3
Existential Dread75
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Stu Trololol VS Steven Seagal
Steven Seagal
60Strength
40Speed
70Endurance
85Technique
2.8Molecular Density
85Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Steven Seagal
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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