TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
12-31-25
APPROVED
Sausage Festival
Strength85
Speed68
Endurance90
Technique72
Molecular Density3.1
Existential Dread22
Fingers8
Toes12
TALE OF THE TAPE
Sausage Festival VS Quarterly Report Jones
Quarterly Report Jones
60Strength
75Speed
90Endurance
88Technique
2.6Molecular Density
87Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Sausage Festival
Violence concluded.
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