TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
01-16-26
APPROVED
Grad Student Gary "Unpaid Labor"
Strength55
Speed85
Endurance70
Technique95
Molecular Density1.6
Existential Dread95
Fingers11
Toes9
TALE OF THE TAPE
Grad Student Gary "Unpaid Labor" VS The Vorpal Avenger
The Vorpal Avenger
77Strength
68Speed
79Endurance
76Technique
26.0Molecular Density
81Existential Dread
11Fingers
8Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
The Vorpal Avenger
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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