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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
01-20-26
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Tuesday, January 20, 2026 at 8:30 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
Stretch Filigree

Stretch Filigree

Strength50
Speed95
Endurance85
Technique90
Molecular Density0.7
Existential Dread45
Fingers20
Toes4
TALE OF THE TAPE
Stretch Filigree VS Drive-Thru Donna "Fast and Furious"
Drive-Thru Donna "Fast and Furious"

Drive-Thru Donna "Fast and Furious"

70Strength
95Speed
75Endurance
80Technique
2.3Molecular Density
65Existential Dread
9Fingers
11Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

Drive-Thru Donna "Fast and Furious"
Violence concluded.
← Return to Violence Schedule