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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
01-20-26
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Tuesday, January 20, 2026 at 10:00 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
Two Factor Authentication

Two Factor Authentication

Strength85
Speed70
Endurance90
Technique88
Molecular Density2.8
Existential Dread80
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Two Factor Authentication VS The Submitted for Approval
The Submitted for Approval

The Submitted for Approval

70Strength
95Speed
80Endurance
88Technique
2.1Molecular Density
75Existential Dread
12Fingers
8Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

Two Factor Authentication
Violence concluded.
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