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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
01-21-26
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Wednesday, January 21, 2026 at 2:00 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
The Rope Jeff Didn't Hang Himself With

The Rope Jeff Didn't Hang Himself With

Strength123
Speed102
Endurance24
Technique61
Molecular Density52.7
Existential Dread35
Fingers11
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
The Rope Jeff Didn't Hang Himself With VS Boiling Singularity Vapors
Boiling Singularity Vapors

Boiling Singularity Vapors

120Strength
100Speed
20Endurance
60Technique
8.1Molecular Density
100Existential Dread
17Fingers
3Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

The Rope Jeff Didn't Hang Himself With
Violence concluded.
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