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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
01-23-26
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Friday, January 23, 2026 at 1:30 PM
⚡ Combat Status ⏱️ VIOLENCE PENDING
War Machine

War Machine

Strength85
Speed70
Endurance80
Technique60
Molecular Density2.8
Existential Dread10
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
War Machine VS Comfort Septemberish
Comfort Septemberish

Comfort Septemberish

50Strength
70Speed
95Endurance
85Technique
1.9Molecular Density
15Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
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