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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
01-23-26
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Friday, January 23, 2026 at 2:00 PM
⚡ Combat Status ⏱️ VIOLENCE PENDING
Empyrean Angel

Empyrean Angel

Strength70
Speed40
Endurance100
Technique90
Molecular Density25.4
Existential Dread8
Fingers6
Toes7
TALE OF THE TAPE
Empyrean Angel VS Punchin Bag
Punchin Bag

Punchin Bag

20Strength
40Speed
120Endurance
120Technique
33.6Molecular Density
49Existential Dread
12Fingers
8Toes
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