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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
01-23-26
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Friday, January 23, 2026 at 4:30 PM
⚡ Combat Status ⏱️ VIOLENCE PENDING
Crayon Scribble in Blood Red

Crayon Scribble in Blood Red

Strength85
Speed65
Endurance80
Technique70
Molecular Density1.6
Existential Dread71
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Crayon Scribble in Blood Red VS Sprinkler System Sam
Sprinkler System Sam

Sprinkler System Sam

80Strength
70Speed
80Endurance
70Technique
2.6Molecular Density
28Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
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