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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
08-11-25
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Monday, August 11, 2025 at 7:00 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
Professor Punishment PhD

Professor Punishment PhD

Strength65
Speed75
Endurance85
Technique98
Molecular Density2.7
Existential Dread90
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Professor Punishment PhD VS What Even Is This
What Even Is This

What Even Is This

65Strength
90Speed
65Endurance
90Technique
1.1Molecular Density
95Existential Dread
9Fingers
11Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

Professor Punishment PhD
Violence concluded.
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