TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
08-11-25
APPROVED
Dank Dill
Strength75
Speed75
Endurance75
Technique75
Molecular Density45.2
Existential Dread95
Fingers10
Toes9
TALE OF THE TAPE
Dank Dill VS Shuffleboard Shirley
Shuffleboard Shirley
50Strength
75Speed
85Endurance
95Technique
1.3Molecular Density
50Existential Dread
10Fingers
7Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Shuffleboard Shirley
Violence concluded.
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