TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
08-12-25
APPROVED
Mommy Issues Mike
Strength55
Speed48
Endurance65
Technique58
Molecular Density1.4
Existential Dread87
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Mommy Issues Mike VS Clearance Rack Rachel
Clearance Rack Rachel
60Strength
95Speed
75Endurance
88Technique
1.9Molecular Density
75Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Clearance Rack Rachel
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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