TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
08-25-25
APPROVED
The Finger Counter
Strength65
Speed85
Endurance70
Technique90
Molecular Density2.7
Existential Dread25
Fingers23
Toes7
TALE OF THE TAPE
The Finger Counter VS Swole Patroll
Swole Patroll
98Strength
71Speed
95Endurance
65Technique
4.2Molecular Density
8Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Swole Patroll
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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