TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
08-28-25
APPROVED
Steven Seagal
Strength60
Speed40
Endurance70
Technique85
Molecular Density2.8
Existential Dread85
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Steven Seagal VS Yurts Buttercup
Yurts Buttercup
78Strength
88Speed
82Endurance
75Technique
2.4Molecular Density
40Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Steven Seagal
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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