TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
08-30-25
APPROVED
Danny DeVito
Strength26
Speed43
Endurance58
Technique78
Molecular Density3.8
Existential Dread75
Fingers8
Toes12
TALE OF THE TAPE
Danny DeVito VS The Rope Jeff Didn't Hang Himself With
The Rope Jeff Didn't Hang Himself With
133Strength
109Speed
35Endurance
73Technique
52.7Molecular Density
35Existential Dread
11Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
The Rope Jeff Didn't Hang Himself With
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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