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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
08-30-25
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Saturday, August 30, 2025 at 8:00 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
Loading Screen Eternity

Loading Screen Eternity

Strength60
Speed30
Endurance95
Technique88
Molecular Density2.1
Existential Dread85
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Loading Screen Eternity VS Insurance Denial Ian
Insurance Denial Ian

Insurance Denial Ian

86Strength
75Speed
80Endurance
98Technique
3.1Molecular Density
95Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

Insurance Denial Ian
Violence concluded.
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