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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
09-02-25
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Tuesday, September 2, 2025 at 12:30 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
Pharmacy Phil "Wait Time"

Pharmacy Phil "Wait Time"

Strength70
Speed70
Endurance85
Technique92
Molecular Density2.4
Existential Dread80
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Pharmacy Phil "Wait Time" VS ---
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71Strength
71Speed
84Endurance
74Technique
92.3Molecular Density
93Existential Dread
1Fingers
19Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

Pharmacy Phil "Wait Time"
Violence concluded.
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