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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
09-04-25
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Thursday, September 4, 2025 at 6:30 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
Yurts Buttercup

Yurts Buttercup

Strength63
Speed72
Endurance68
Technique70
Molecular Density2.4
Existential Dread40
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Yurts Buttercup VS Boiling Singularity Vapors
Boiling Singularity Vapors

Boiling Singularity Vapors

131Strength
111Speed
34Endurance
73Technique
8.1Molecular Density
100Existential Dread
17Fingers
3Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

Boiling Singularity Vapors
Violence concluded.
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