TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
07-28-25
APPROVED
Why Am I Here Johnson
Strength45
Speed70
Endurance80
Technique95
Molecular Density1.2
Existential Dread99
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Why Am I Here Johnson VS Beef Injection
Beef Injection
92Strength
85Speed
89Endurance
75Technique
3.8Molecular Density
5Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Why Am I Here Johnson
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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