TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
09-12-25
APPROVED
Linguine Lightning
Strength65
Speed98
Endurance71
Technique86
Molecular Density1.9
Existential Dread60
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Linguine Lightning VS Tucan Shakur
Tucan Shakur
118Strength
100Speed
20Endurance
60Technique
75.8Molecular Density
99Existential Dread
14Fingers
13Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Tucan Shakur
Violence concluded.
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