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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
09-12-25
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Friday, September 12, 2025 at 3:00 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
Drive-Thru Donna "Fast and Furious"

Drive-Thru Donna "Fast and Furious"

Strength70
Speed95
Endurance75
Technique80
Molecular Density2.3
Existential Dread65
Fingers9
Toes11
TALE OF THE TAPE
Drive-Thru Donna "Fast and Furious" VS Polymer McGillicuddy
Polymer McGillicuddy

Polymer McGillicuddy

88Strength
75Speed
91Endurance
80Technique
4.2Molecular Density
65Existential Dread
13Fingers
7Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

Polymer McGillicuddy
Violence concluded.
← Return to Violence Schedule