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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
09-13-25
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Saturday, September 13, 2025 at 9:00 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
Gross Gary

Gross Gary

Strength75
Speed70
Endurance70
Technique65
Molecular Density2.3
Existential Dread20
Fingers8
Toes12
TALE OF THE TAPE
Gross Gary VS Slurpee Samurai Steve
Slurpee Samurai Steve

Slurpee Samurai Steve

80Strength
70Speed
85Endurance
90Technique
2.6Molecular Density
35Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

Gross Gary
Violence concluded.
← Return to Violence Schedule