TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
09-18-25
APPROVED
Energy Drink Eddie
Strength65
Speed98
Endurance70
Technique80
Molecular Density1.8
Existential Dread75
Fingers12
Toes8
TALE OF THE TAPE
Energy Drink Eddie VS Troll King Tommy
Troll King Tommy
70Strength
90Speed
65Endurance
90Technique
1.5Molecular Density
90Existential Dread
11Fingers
9Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Energy Drink Eddie
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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