TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
09-19-25
APPROVED
Messy Tessie
Strength65
Speed80
Endurance60
Technique75
Molecular Density2.1
Existential Dread30
Fingers11
Toes9
TALE OF THE TAPE
Messy Tessie VS Sausage Festival
Sausage Festival
85Strength
68Speed
90Endurance
72Technique
3.1Molecular Density
22Existential Dread
8Fingers
12Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Sausage Festival
Violence concluded.
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