TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
09-19-25
APPROVED
Linguine Lightning
Strength65
Speed98
Endurance70
Technique85
Molecular Density1.9
Existential Dread60
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Linguine Lightning VS Bob Ross
Bob Ross
30Strength
40Speed
95Endurance
100Technique
1.2Molecular Density
5Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Linguine Lightning
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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