TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
09-19-25
APPROVED
Lasagna Layer Lord
Strength85
Speed60
Endurance95
Technique88
Molecular Density3.6
Existential Dread55
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Lasagna Layer Lord VS Tucan Shakur
Tucan Shakur
120Strength
100Speed
20Endurance
60Technique
75.8Molecular Density
99Existential Dread
14Fingers
13Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Tucan Shakur
Violence concluded.
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